I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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