There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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