Duck Duck Cougar?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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