I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
