Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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