he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just found a bag of teeth...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
