There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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