i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
