Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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