i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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