I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
