Your dad touched me again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The uberlube is also flammable
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
