you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
