Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
