i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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