I think my fart just growled at me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
