OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
