I'm pants shitting drunk right now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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