If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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