For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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