It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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