At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
