Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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