Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
