when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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