And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
