i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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