That's intense
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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