my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize