I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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