First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
