I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
