that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
