In the future we'll all be gay
You're my little dorito
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
