i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
