He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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