weddingsv make me drug and hornr
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
