I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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