??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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