u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
