Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
