Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
