Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
