in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
