I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
