the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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