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I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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