My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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