Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
