im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her vagine was all disorganized.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
