I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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