Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
