shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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