He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
