dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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