I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
