but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
