I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
